Tag Archives: hot food

Product Review: Hell’s Inferno Naga Bhut Jolokia Sauce

15 Feb
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The last time I heard this many bullshit claims, I was having a conversation with Chop about being straight-edge!

I’ve had this sauce lurking around at home for a little while, so as I approach the end of my Hell Week, I deemed it an appropriate sauce to finish with.

The sauce makes some big claims on the bottle: “1,000,000 scoville units”, “4 times hotter than habanero”, “no comparison”. These are all complete porky pies – it certainly is not 1,000,000 scoville units. To put this into context pepper spray starts at 2,000,000 scovilles.

The heat with this sauce isn’t too bad at all, in the mouth and throat, but as it festers in your guts it warms up quite a lot. Upon exit there is also some significant heat.

Despite not living up to it’s promises, it is still an extremely hot sauce considering it uses only natural ingredients (no extract). It is made up of ghost chillies (naga bhut jolokia) combined with chocolate and red habanero. This gives it a great naturally fruity flavour. In other words it tastes like sauce made from chillies!

This one is great used as a sauce on anything, but I think it would also do well to be used in cooking eg soups, pasta sauce, pizza etc.

Heat Rating – 7.5/10

Taste Rating – 7/10

Ring Sting – 4/10

Pros – Natural flavour of the raw chilli ingredients

Cons – Over exaggerated claims on bottle

Price – $20

Purchased from – Chilemojo (www.chilemojo.com.au)

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Restaurant Review: Chairman Mao Chinese Restaurant

29 Jan

With Prue’s parents (Andrew and Kaye) in town for a night we needed a solid restaurant to impress them with. A few days earlier Prue had seen Neil Perry’s favourite restaurant in a book as being Chairman Mao’s, with his comment being ‘not for the faint hearted’. I was in!

We arrived at the nondescript venue on Anzac Parade in Kensington and were promptly seated. It was then that I came across my only gripe for the whole evening – I couldn’t fit my knees under the table. This wasn’t just due to my length, there was literally less gap than between Oprah’s thighs. It was like sitting in front of a big block!

The best thing about eating at Asian places is they understand you aren’t there for a haircut. They get stuck straight into the business of feeding you. True to form, the waitress promptly brought us out some delightful pickled celery, with chilli. There was no warning about the heat of this dish, but it had a nice little kick, enough to make me moist at the prospect of further burn!

The highlight for me was the dish recommended by Neil Perry: Cumin Lamb with Chilli. This was a stir fry with thinly sliced lamb in a light and cumin-ey sauce. There was some great heat with this dish. Nothing offensive but definitely there.

We also had a beef and green chilli dish. This was literally a bowl filled with thinly stir fried beef and whole green chillies. It was a great dish with moderate heat, but the huge amount of chillies were slightly bitter and out of proportion to the quantity of beef. This was solid dish.

The chilli prawns were amazing. Sweet and succulent with a great warmth.

We ordered some green beans, pancake and fried rice which were all great as well.

Before we left I had a chat with the bossman. He was a legend and told me that if I come back, he will make me a special dish that is hotter than anything on the menu. Comrade, I think I’ll take you up on that offer!

Pro’s: Best Chinese food I’ve had, Cumin Lamb, prompt service, ring-sting of 8/10 the next day!

Con’s: Knees didn’t fit under desk, Communists

Rating: 8/10

To book: 02 9697 9189

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The mandatory Tsingtao (I can never bloody pronounce that, and always look like an ignorant white fuck, pointing rudely at the menu) and the pickled celery.

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Beef with green chillies and the shallot pancake. Both great dishes.

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This was probably my second favourite dish. Stir fried beans with chilli and shallot.

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Prawny goodness! These were very nice!

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Product Review: Ass Reaper

16 Dec
The Reaper in all his evil glory!

The Reaper in all his evil glory!

Doesn’t this little fella just make you smile? With his funny name and cute bottle 🙂

That smile wont last long, because this little bugger is hot as fuck, and your ass is about to be reaped worse than if you passed out in the toilets at Arq.

I consumed this molten lava with my signature breakfast dish – Lazy Bastard Eggs – which is pretty much an omelet that I’m too lazy to cook properly so I turn it into scrambled eggs.

Each mouthful provided an agonising burn where I could feel the daggers of the main ingredients – Habanero, African Oleoresin (African birdseye extract) and Scotch Bonnet – jabbing the tips of my nerve endings. The flavour was beautiful, spicy and smooth with a hint of tomato sweetness.

Despite the heat, Rectum Ripper is actually a very accessible hot sauce. It’s intense while it’s in your mouth, but the moment you swallow you get immediate relief, just like……………….. 😉

The burn also didn’t last too long (5-10min) and all I was left with was the mythical chili high.

This one is certainly worth a try.

Heat Rating – 7/10

Taste Rating – 6/10

Ring Sting – 5/10

Pros: name, packaging and heat

Cons: heat derived from extract rather than real chili, expensive

Price – $15 (147ml)

Purchased from – http://www.chilemojo.com.au

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Product Review: Rectum Ripper XXX

13 Dec

I was hoping my arsehole would resemble this paper, unfortunately the Ripper’s scythe had no such effect.

I’m calling you out – Mr ‘Rectum Ripper’ – your promise to ‘send my arse to an early grave’ was as empty as a bad metaphor!

Despite consuming half the bottle (147ml bottle) my rectum is intact (disregarding prior damage).

Recum Ripper is a tasty sauce. It derives its heat from the ubiquitous habanero pepper. It has a nice herby flavour – courtesy of ginger and mustard – and was a pleasant addition to the lamb burger and steamed veg, I had for lunch. However, ‘pleasant’ isn’t a word I should be using to describe a hot sauce! The burn was present, but weak. More of a warm tingle, that came on slowly, and lingered in the back of the mouth. I did notice some minor under-eye sweat, but not enough to warrant a wiping.

An ingredient of note was ‘Clam Juice’ – perhaps this would have been a more appropriate ingredient for my previous review???

This is a quite accessible sauce for anyone with an interest in chili and keen on adding a snuggly fuzz to their feed.

Heat Rating – 3.5/10

Taste Rating – 6/10

Ring Sting – 0/10

Price – $10

Purchased from – http://www.chilemojo.com.au

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Product Review: Larry's Hot Pussy Juice

11 Dec
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Bell is as impressed as me, with this delicious, but incredibly weak sauce.

Despite the enticing name this chili sauce was a flop.

Don’t get me wrong, Larry has made a delicious sauce with a sweet and smokey flavour. It’s made from Habanero chili and also has some Chipotle in there, giving it a lovely dark appearance. It’s an oozer, and is quite thick and unctuous on the pour, requiring some spanking to spew forth. I lathered it all over my rissole and steamed veg and had a lovely meal.

However, we’re not here to fuck spiders, we’re here to rip our faces apart with blistering heat.

Unfortunately Larry, even with your Pussy Juice dripping down my chin I was left unaroused.

Heat Rating – 3/10

Taste Rating – 7/10

Ring Sting – 0/10

Price – $12

Purchased from – http://www.chilimojo.com.au

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