Archive | January, 2013

Product Review: CaJohns Trinidad Moruga Scorpion Puree

30 Jan
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My arse! The quick-eze do nothing!

This homie is the culprit for my recent hiatus.

CaJohns Trinidad Moruga Scorpion Puree didn’t just blown my arse to pieces like a shot from a WWII rifle, it also left me with intense and lasting gut pain like I had coped the pointy end of a bayonet. Essentially I recieve the old one-two: a bullet up the bum and a stab in the guts.

This isn’t really a sauce. It is simply pureed Moruga Scorpion chilli. This is the worlds hottest chilli (certified by Guiness Book of Records) rated at 1.4m scoville units (560 times hotter than tabasco!!!!!).

I knew it would hurt my gut so I took some quick-eze with me as a preemptive measure. It did nothing.

The taste is quite nice. Almost sickeningly sweet and not very savoury at all. Then the heat. Oh baby. It is immediate and brutal.

Eat mouthful felt like my mouth and throat had chlamydia, such was the intense razor blade burn.

Afterwards I was sweating and panting. The gut ache lasted about 3 hours and the for 10 days after I got a sore gut any time I ate anything dense or spicey.

My mate Adam sampled the puree and reported being doubled over with stomach pain.

This is a fucking serious sauce. Don’t muck around with this!

Reserve your use of this sauce for playing pranks on loved ones and inducing stomach cramps for days off work.

Heat Rating – 9/10

Taste Rating – 4/10

Ring Sting – 8.5/10

Pros – Funny how much this rattles you

Cons – Gut pain, too fruity

Price – $20

Purchased from – http://www.chilemojo.com.au

Restaurant Review: Chairman Mao Chinese Restaurant

29 Jan

With Prue’s parents (Andrew and Kaye) in town for a night we needed a solid restaurant to impress them with. A few days earlier Prue had seen Neil Perry’s favourite restaurant in a book as being Chairman Mao’s, with his comment being ‘not for the faint hearted’. I was in!

We arrived at the nondescript venue on Anzac Parade in Kensington and were promptly seated. It was then that I came across my only gripe for the whole evening – I couldn’t fit my knees under the table. This wasn’t just due to my length, there was literally less gap than between Oprah’s thighs. It was like sitting in front of a big block!

The best thing about eating at Asian places is they understand you aren’t there for a haircut. They get stuck straight into the business of feeding you. True to form, the waitress promptly brought us out some delightful pickled celery, with chilli. There was no warning about the heat of this dish, but it had a nice little kick, enough to make me moist at the prospect of further burn!

The highlight for me was the dish recommended by Neil Perry: Cumin Lamb with Chilli. This was a stir fry with thinly sliced lamb in a light and cumin-ey sauce. There was some great heat with this dish. Nothing offensive but definitely there.

We also had a beef and green chilli dish. This was literally a bowl filled with thinly stir fried beef and whole green chillies. It was a great dish with moderate heat, but the huge amount of chillies were slightly bitter and out of proportion to the quantity of beef. This was solid dish.

The chilli prawns were amazing. Sweet and succulent with a great warmth.

We ordered some green beans, pancake and fried rice which were all great as well.

Before we left I had a chat with the bossman. He was a legend and told me that if I come back, he will make me a special dish that is hotter than anything on the menu. Comrade, I think I’ll take you up on that offer!

Pro’s: Best Chinese food I’ve had, Cumin Lamb, prompt service, ring-sting of 8/10 the next day!

Con’s: Knees didn’t fit under desk, Communists

Rating: 8/10

To book: 02 9697 9189

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The mandatory Tsingtao (I can never bloody pronounce that, and always look like an ignorant white fuck, pointing rudely at the menu) and the pickled celery.

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Beef with green chillies and the shallot pancake. Both great dishes.

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This was probably my second favourite dish. Stir fried beans with chilli and shallot.

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Prawny goodness! These were very nice!

Hiatus

26 Jan

Alright, so I’ve been a massive soft cock this week.

After some ‘incidents’ with extremely hot sauces, about 10 days ago, I have been suffering severe stomach pain. Due to this, I’ve been on a self imposed chilli ban, for a week.

My theory is that due to constant extreme exposure to capsaicin (the hot stuff in chilli) I gave myself IBS. Basically I would feel fine but if I ate anything chilli, high fibre or acidic, I would get immediate and lasting stomach pain.

However, it’s time to stop being a fucking sook. There is too much hot shit to get through, to be sitting round feeling sorry for myself.

On a side note, this hiatus gave me the chance to focus on some other culinary pursuits. I made my first batch of biltong. If you don’t know what this is, then you are not my friend. The first batch was too salty. I used fine grained salt in the cure, but will use rock next time. Look out for some Ghost Chilli biltong in the future!

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Have I mentioned I’m now going by the name ‘The Biltong King’???

Restaurant Review: Berowra Waters Inn

20 Jan

OK, so this isn’t a chilli related post. But whatever, it’s about food and I felt like writing about it.

For Pruey’s Christmas present I got her seaplane flights, and lunch at Berowra Waters Inn, on the Hawksbury River.

Berowra Waters is back in the hands of Tony Bilson, to some controversy, considering his unpaid creditors from previous ventures. Who cares, this is open, and it’s amazing.

I think the best way to review restaurants is by captioned photos (see below).

Visiting Berowra Waters by seaplane has to be one of the world’s greatest dining experiences. The whole package is faultless. The biggest issue with Berowra Waters Inn is that I am worried they will not have enough patronage to survive. We were there on a warm/overcast Saturday and there would have only been 10 other diners. Now it is true that there has been some disgustingly hot weather in Sydney lately, and there have been bushfire in the Hawksbury area, but this restaurant seriously needs more bums on seats.

I am calling out, all you Sydney arseholes, who pose around every weekend, have massive benders. Just forgo one bender and visit this place. I promise you will have the time of your life, and you will be helping to ensure others can continue to appreciate this amazing experience, into the future.

Pro’s: Seaplane view, food, wine, service, location, atmosphere

Con’s: No air con, expensive, lack of unusual wines matched to the food

Rating: 8.5/10

To book: http://www.berowrawatersinn.com or http://www.seaplanes.com.au

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Pruey and I about to board the plane.

The view of Sydney.

The view of Sydney.

The restaurant from the water.

The restaurant from the water.

Couple of glasses of Gosset Rose to kick off proceedings.

Couple of glasses of Gosset Rose, to kick off proceedings.

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Amuse-bouche (I fucking hate that word). Parsely macaroon with tuna tartare in middle was best. The eel thing at the bottom was amazing too and tasted like salmon dip.

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Foam and jelly cop a lot of flack from food writers, who love making huge statements, to drum up attention. Fuck those imbeciles. If something is good, it’s good. Foam and jelly in this dish is rad. This dish had a couple of plump oysters, hidden under a laying of jelly, beneath this foam. Probably best oysters I’ve ever had.

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Confit ocean trout, with smoked milk and wild rice, was incredible. I enjoyed the theatre of this dish, as the waiter poured consomme over it, the crisped skin on top sounded like rice bubbles crackling. The fish was just set and the textures of this dish were amazing!

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This was called ‘Vegetable Garden’. It was pretty much just that. Very nice, for vegetables. Bring on the meat!

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This was roasted duck with peach. It was matched with an awesome Pinot from Dexter in Vic. I love duck and this didn’t disappoint. It was nice watching the ducks swimming in the river, from the top of the food pyramid.

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This was the best dish. Slow cooked beef rib (40hrs @ 69C apparently) with potato terrine, truffle mash and cos. The beef was soft and unctuous; the terrine was crispy; and the truffle mash was unbelievable. It could have done without the cos.

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Cheese plate with cheddar and caramalised red onion sorbet. I like this but i much prefer your traditional cheese board with some fruit bread or something.

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Dessert was called ‘Tropicana’ and was a mixture of different techniques. It was nice and pretty. I forgot to take a photo of it, so here is a picture of the house churned butter (great current fad!) with volcanic salt, which I preferred to the dessert anyway. Fat bastard!

Product Review: Desert Pepper Habanero Salsa

18 Jan
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Shits on supermarket salsa.

Whilst on a chilli buying rampage – at Blackwattle Deli (Sydney Fishmarkets) – I picked up a jar of this salsa for $5 from a bargain bin!!!! What an absolute bargain. In hindsight I didn’t check the best before, but it didn’t make my guts any worse than they already are, so happy days.

The Desert Pepper website describes the salsa as:

“Sell your soul and steel your taste-buds for a red-hot descent into the fiery pit of flavor.  It’s an unholy alliance of tropical habaneros and molten jalapenos that’s hotter than Hades, and viciously delicious.  Feel the burn.  Because you know you’re a glutton for punishment, and this salsa will leave you begging for more.”

Their analysis of their own product is half right and half wrong. While the salsa did “steel my tastebuds” and is “viciously delicious”, it certainly does not deliver on its satanic promises of a “descent into the fiery pit”.

It is a very fruity and tomatoey salsa with lots of big fresh chunks of stuff. This is the perfect salsa to replace supermarket rubbish like Doritos or Old El Paso salsa.

There is enough heat there to be interesting but its nothing crazy.

Other than the lack of heat, I also thought the salsa wasn’t salty enough. This could play into its favour though when paired with mega salty foods like chips or tacos.

This one is well worth the buy, especially if you can get it for 5 bucks!!!

Heat Rating – 2/10

Taste Rating – 7.5/10

Ring Sting – 0/10

Pros – Fresh, fruity

Cons – Lack of heat, not salty enough

Price – $5

Purchased from – Blackwattle Deli at the Sydney Fishmarkets

Product Review: Mad Dog 357 – 357,000 Scoville Hot Sauce

15 Jan
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Yuck!

This sauce tastes like shit. But – fuck me – she strong!

I’d heard about this bad boy being hot, so I bought a little bottle to try. I only went for the small size as I knew this sauce contained extract, which can lead to unpleasant taste.

I took the thermonuclear vessel into work, to enjoy with my meat and veg. Turned out I was working with my buddy – Kilby (as featured in previous Tassie posts). He is a brave man and despite having a relatively limited exposure to extreme heat, he decided to join me in a world of burn!

We probably ingested about a teaspoon each with our food, and we were both in trouble. Firstly it tastes like arse crack. A very fake, bitter, chemical flavour that overwhelms whatever you put it with. The heat is immediate and intense. A very sharp and even heat. Somehow I got some in my throat and it made me gag.

This sauce is not recommended for anyone. It’s hot and doesn’t taste good. I can name some sauces equally as hot that taste nice, so don’t bother with this one.

Despite the sweat and tears, we had a ball. Below are some photos that document the fun we had.

Heat Rating – 8.5/10

Taste Rating – 1/10

Ring Sting – 7.5/10

Pros – Very hot

Cons – Use of extract, bad flavour

Price – $10

Purchased from – http://www.chilemojo.com.au

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Disclaimer on bottle. Neglects to inform the consumer about the taste of bum.

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Rest of disclaimer.

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Kilby drawing in the big ones!

A Progress Report

13 Jan
Nice hot cup of tea. Lovely

Nice hot cup of tea. Lovely

I thought I’d make a post today about my progress towards my goal of becoming a chilli-master.

When I first started writing about eating hot food, it was with the intention of increasing my heat tolerance. I have since discovered a whole world andof chilli!

My tolerance for chilli increased rapidly initially, and I have now got to the stage where pretty hot food, doesn’t worry my mouth. However, this week I have hit what I call the chilli wall. I was testing a super hot sauce and afterwards I experienced intense gut ache. This lasted for a couple of hours. I rested from chilli that night. I got back on it the next day, but experienced the same pain, with sauces I would normally laugh at. So yesterday I had a very easy chill day (only seriously hot meal was 2 habanero’s in my omelet). Now I feel ready to keep pushing the limits!

Initially I was concerned about ring sting. I have come to believe that tolerance to ring sting increases just as rapidly as the mouth tolerance. We could test this theory by forming a human caterpillar and rating the arse-to-mouth heat experience.

Once you start looking, there is a whole world of chilli products out there. For instance: today I consumed a chilli tea from T2. It was  a delicious fruity tea that had a lovely hint of heat on the lips and throat. I can highly recommend this.

What I have really noticed with chilli is that it brings people together. Everyone is familiar with it, and as such can relate with one another’s experiences. I love seeing how interested (and bewildered) people are to hear about my endeavors. Equally I love hearing about their chilli experiences. I have been given gifts of sauces, fresh chilli and dried chilli, from many people I know, and have given chilli to others around me. I love seeing peoples willingness to try something hot. I think it says a lot about a person if they are willing to try something new, even though they know it will cause them pain.

I have a huge stockpile of chilli’s and sauce to get stuck into. So stay tuned for more posts about this wonderful fruit!

P.S. This post is way too prim and proper, so here is a link to the definition of chiligasm:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chiligasm

Product Review: Boomslang Ghost Pepper Sauce

11 Jan
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The Boomslang! pictured here in it’s native habitat – my desk at work.

Santa you fucking prick! You slid this sauce into my limp stocking and have caused me days of excruciating toilet time ever since.

The Boomslang is a South African tree snake known for it’s large size and deadly venom. The name suits perfectly. Consuming this sauce is like suckling directly on the fang of one of those slimy bastards.

The heat comes from one of my favs – The Ghost Pepper – with some help from extract to take the heat to the next level.

Hot sauces tend to come in small bottles, which means I go through them quickly. Even though this is in the standard 147ml bottle, I am definitely not going through it quickly. A mere tablespoon is enough to leave me drooling and tripping out. I leave this sauce in my drawer at work and amuse my colleagues with fits of sweat and snot.

The flavour is good – smokey and deep. However, due to the use of extract and level of heat you don’t get much of a chance to taste this one.

I recommend this sauce for serious chiliheads who are more interested in being a hero (me!), than enjoying flavours.

Heat Rating – 8/10

Taste Rating – 5.5/10

Ring Sting – 7/10

Pros: South Africa theme, hot as the devil’s fart

Cons: Use of extract

Price – present

Purchased from – Christmas stocking, however I know you can get this on from http://www.chilemojo.com.au

Product Review: The Chilli Factory – Devil's Delirium

8 Jan
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Devil’s Delirium and Mad Dog – the two biggest creeps I know!

How fitting that whilst in Tasmania I was able to get my hands on a jar of The Chilli Factory’s – Devil’s Delirium Bhut Jolokia (Ghost Chilli) paste.

I wasn’t even on a hot sauce mission, when I went into Mundy’s to get a stick of biltong (to give me the strength to cope with Hobart Christmas shopping!). While I was waiting for an eternity for my dried meat fix, I noticed this sucker sitting on the shelf. I was straight onto it!

I took the sauce up to Mad Dog’s shack for the tasting. When we arrived we chucked a bread mix into the bread machine, so that by the time we returned from getting loose at The Great Lakes Hotel, we would have a fresh loaf.

With a large number of beers under our belts, and armed with a couple of bottles of Tassie reds, we returned for some drinking games, and to try the Devil’s Delirium.

Due to our high level of intoxication, we thought it would be a good idea to smear a massive quantity of the paste all over it some fat slabs of our fresh bread.

The Bhut Jolokia is known as the Ghost Pepper because the heat creeps up on you. For the first few bites all you taste is fruity, delicious chilli, but then the heat hits.  The only thing that creeps harder is Mad Dog, on the dancefloor, at The Metz! The flavour was amazing though, and I think this would go well with anything. However, the heat is so severe that I would reserve this one for serious chilli heads.

Undeterred we had seconds, and the next day we finished off the jar at a family bbq!

This is an amazing sauce. It is 56% Bhut Jolokia and no extract! It is quite a feat to get this much heat, and flavour into a sauce without using extract.

Hats off to you The Chilli Factory, once again you have shredded my arse whilst putting a smile on my face!

Heat Rating – 8/10

Taste Rating – 7.5/10

Ring Sting – 5/10

Pros: No extract, flavour, Aussie co.

Cons: none

Price – $18

Purchased from – Mundy and Sons Butcher in Hobart

Tassie Christmas: The Other Shit

7 Jan

Tassie really is the best place in the world. If you disagree I’ll spike your water with Bhut Jolokia.

I had such a ball down there at Christmas doing stuff and things. I thought the best way to sum up all the non-chilli related experiences would be to simply caption some photos. Enjoy!

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Good times were had at the Great Lakes Hotel. Got pretty loose, ate roo rissoles and wasted a million bucks on fucking Irish bingo.

The highlight of any Tassie trip are these bastards! I got this one for free at Bronte Park General Store because it was 2 days old - score!!!!

The highlight of any Tassie trip are these bastards! I got this one for free at Bronte Park General Store because it was 2 days old – score!!!!

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Family on Christmas day doing what they do best – drink and bullshit. Backgournd L to R: Cow (Dad), Sammy, Norton, Pepsi, Dave. Foreground L to R: Mum, Fiona.

Mad Dog snr and Mad Dog jnr, at the Great Lakes Hotel, discussing how to pick up the local birds.

Mad Dog Sr and Mad Dog Jr, at the Great Lakes Hotel, discussing how to pick up the local birds.

The dogs: Maxie, Pruey and Charlie. This was taken at the Hobart farmers market. This market is awesome!

The dogs: Maxie, Pruey and Charlie. This was taken at the Hobart farmers market. This market is awesome!

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Here I am visiting The Beer Gardens, where the mythical Beer Tree was in bloom! Thanks Johnny M for giving us the guided tour.

The trouts don't stand a chance with this sexy beast on their case. Even Jessie is frothin'

The trouts don’t stand a chance with this sexy beast on their case. Even Jessie is frothin’

Drank some awesome stuff with this old bastard! This pic was taken at the end of the trip once we were beered out!

Drank some awesome stuff with this old bastard! This pic was taken at the end of the trip once we were beered out!

This needs no caption. Even though this is a caption.

Quite nice conditions on Great Lake. That’s Mad Dog out on the point.